The Two Rules of Marriage

“What’s the secret?” 

I was working my “summer job” at the local Sate Park and one of the guys that worked with me was talking about his upcoming wedding. We had just celebrated our 26^th wedding anniversary. He was amazed. His parents were divorced, as were many of his other relatives. Since he came from a non-Christian background, I was temporarily stymied. Having a mutual faith in Christ is a definite advantage in our marriage, but there needed to be more. I have seen Christians get divorced. I have seen non-Christians live together into old age. That’s where the “two rules” came to mind. As far as I can tell, this is the closest I can come to the secret of marriage. I realize they are not full-proof. People can let themselves become mean and evil. Drug addiction can destroy them from the inside out. They still have a choice. But it’s the best I've got.

Rule #1

“Divorce is not an option.”

If you decide this from the start it will give you several advantages. It will make you choose wisely. If you know you will have to live with him/her for the rest of your life, you might be a little pickier. It will force you to work things out. It’s amazing how people will adapt and change once they realize the mountain is not moving. “‘Til death us do part!” (And no, murder is not an option.)

Rule #2

“Be the first to apologize. It’s probably your fault anyway”

As the man, it’s my responsibility to lead the home. (If that concept is foreign to you, then probably not much else is in this blog making sense, so I’m just going to go on.) It’s a rare occasion that I don’t have any culpability in the problem at hand. I admit it. I don’t listen as intently as I should. I can be about as sensitive as a shoe. Even if by some freak chance I am right, it’s still no reason to go around with an arrogant attitude. Communication is the sap of the tree of marriage. Keep the lines open.

We are sneaking up on our 32^nd wedding anniversary in June of 2014. Face it, a great marriage has been work. But when I think about it, fishing is also work. I’m tired when I get home from a great fishing trip. yet it’s a good tired, a happy restful tired. They’re a lot alike, marriage and fishing. It’s been almost 32 years. And I would do it all again, and 32 more…Love you!

Love God. Love People.

Recently our church handed out arm bands to be worn for the next 30 days. Truthfully, I am not a real fan of the flexible advertising goodies, but this one caught my eye.  It’s a simple slogan, but an immense idea. Love God. Love People. In a world of WWJD, I think this is one that even Jesus might wear. After all, He was the one to come up with the slogan. It’s a shortened version of the two greatest commandments: Luke 10:27(NIV) … "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with your entire mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" Yes, this is one reminder I need to wear. Love God. How often I forget. Love People. Boy, would this solve a lot of problems if we would focus on “others better than ourselves” as we go about our daily duties. As a “left hand man” my very existence is serving others. Our school theme verse for the 2013-14 school year is Philippians 2:3-5 (NIV) “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Who will you please today? Jesus? Others? Yourself? If you live the word of Jesus. Joy will follow! 

Where Was God?

During a tragedy, the phrase “Where was God?” is often heard. The fact that someone is suffering somehow translates into either “God doesn't exist” or “God doesn't care”. Some may even think that God sees it all but can’t do anything about it.

What people feel to realize is that as member of the human race, we are at war. War you say? What war? Even if a bombing, a shooting or a senseless rampage isn't official an “act of terror” it is an act of war. The Bible says that Satan is at war with God. Since God loves mankind, all of humanity becomes a target of Satan’s wrath. Yes, much of our suffering is a direct result of sin in the world, but it’s still battle fallout. A true soldier doing his duty, does not ask, “Where is the General?”. He knows were he is. A soldier knows what his own duty is.

A better question might be, “Where were you?  Do you pray daily for safety, for God to intervene in the affairs of evil? Are you sober and vigilant as the Scripture says? Or do you take it all for granted, living only for what pleases you? The Bible tells us to put on the whole armor of God to withstand the devil. (Ephesians 6:10-18)

We are told to overcome evil with good. How can we do that? Revelation 12:11 (NIV) says: “They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony; they did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.”

It has been said that all that is needed for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. But really, for us to triumph over evil, evil must attack first. How can you triumph over nothing? Next time, instead of bemoaning your fate when bad things happen, triumph over evil. It’s already given to us through God’s power!

If Tires Could Talk...

It's funny really. We want to be the best person we can be. We want to be strong, to make a difference. Yet we want things to go smoothly.
Imagine a tire company that wanted to make the best sports tires in the world, but never tested them. We would think that was silly. We also wouldn't buy them. Tires, to be safe and durable, must be tested rigorously. The tire maker must know they will hold up to the perils of the open road or they will not be in business long.
But have you ever thought about what the tire thinks of all that testing? (I'm sure you probably haven't, but humor me anyway.) It is driven at high speeds over ruts and bumps, through gravel and dirt. It is driven through rain, snow, storms and wind, over ice and blistering pavement  It is skidded, screeched  kicked (old school) scraped, under and even over inflated. And for what you might ask? So it can be stamped APPROVED, worthy of carrying precious cargo. 'm sure the tire would just as soon forego the test and just go for the stamp. But that's not how it works, with tires, ships, airplanes  or even character. They all must be tested to ensure their quality.
This last week my family was tested. My daughter went in for a routine "sex of the baby" ultrasound to find that there was no heartbeat. To make it worse, she found out there were twins. The next day Elisabeth Rose and Renee Rose were still born at 5 months. Our first grand-babies are born and taken away. A godly mother and father had to bury their children instead of holding them in their arms. Yet through the testing, they are being refined, no APPROVED. I am so proud of them. Does it hurt? Yes! Will it continue to hurt? Unfortunately, yes. Is God still good? ABSOLUTELY! He has a plan and will continue to work. My daughter and son-in-law have called them "their little missionaries". They hope that others will be strengthened and brought to Christ through this trial.
Here is my daughter's own Facebook entry on April 6th:

"Hi, as you might have heard, we went in for our 20 week ultra sound appointment yesterday to find out the sex of the baby. While we were there, we found out we had twins and that neither had a heartbeat any longer. They were sharing a sack and everything in it and they just didn't make it. We were sent to Doctors right away were I was induced and delivered, like a normal delivery (mostly), two tiny beautiful baby girls. We are heartbroken but know The Lord has a plan. He is good, always. Even though this devastating event, we completely trust him. We are thankful for the opportunity to be parents of two beautiful girls, Elisabeth Rose and Renee Rose. We will be having a small service to honor them and will keep you updated with the date and time. If anyone would like to help you can contact my mom Patricia Cross. Thank you in advance for your prayers and support."

My children are living out their faith for the world. What more could a father want?

Helping Hands & Shovel-fulls of Love

I witnessed something wonderful at the funeral of my twin grand-babies yesterday. At the end of the service, my son-in-law gently put the box carrying the remains into the small grave. He then put a couple shovel-fulls of dirt into the grave. I had never seen this before. My wife leaned over to me and said, "Stephanie said you could help if you want". They were going to make him shovel all the dirt in now as they watched?! I jumped up to help. I was shocked, no stunned. "Do we have to do all of it?", I whispered. "And anyone else that wants to help", he said. Then as I looked up, tears filled my eyes. There were already several men waiting for their turn. As I handed over the shovel to John's best friend, I stepped back and watched as man after man took his turn helping their "brother" give his children to God. As it happens, it’s a German Baptist tradition, a wonderful, tender tradition. As we sang "Bless the Lord Oh My Soul" and watched the outpouring of heartfelt shovel-full’s slowly fill in the small hole, we came together as believers in Christ.

My granddaughters will be sorely missed. My daughter will need more comforting. Things will never be the same. It's God's plan so we can grow. We must be tested to be approved. We didn't really loose the twins, not really. I can imagine two beautiful little girls, sitting by the gates of heaven waiting to give their mom and dad a big hug. And someday we all will. It's God's plan.

                      Elizabeth Rose Garber                                          Renee Rose Garber

                                    2013                                                                          2013

On shining steps near Heaven’s gate

All dressed in white two roses wait

For time to pass and years to fly

For those on earth to say goodbye

With loving smiles and golden hair

They welcome others entering there

They wait for mother’s hand to hold

And in her arms their blossoms unfold
                                                   For My Granddaughters – M. Dale Cross

A wife of noble character who can find?

Proverbs 31

    I could not begin to put a value on my wife. After 30 years, I find I have become utterly dependent on her. I trust her with my life, and she has never, ever disappointed me.

• She is powerful wind, lifting me to heights that I could never imagine on my own.

• She is like a rudder, keeping me focused and on track. I shutter when I think of what I might have become if left to my own devices.

• She is smart, sexy, and funny often all at the same time.

• She is beautiful both outwardly and inwardly. Those tiny lines you might see on her smiling face are simply her sweet spirit shining through.

• She is the epitome of thrift and creativeness. Sales seem to follow her around. If we need it, she will find it.

• She does the work of many, all without complaining.

• She is generous and kind. I have yet to see her refuse a poor Girl Scout selling cookies. Her fresh baked cookies are famous, liberally given, and short lived.

• She can plan and execute a wonderful vacation for our family on what seems almost nothing.

• She makes us live within our means; yet we have enough.

• We eat like kings, and still she surprises us with new and delectable things.

• She is one of the first to awake, and usually the last to go to sleep.

• I believe she could sew anything – I've seen it with my own eyes, from wedding dresses to suits, often without a pattern.

• She protects her family. I would rather face a mother bear in a deserted wood.

• Her children text just to say “I love you.”

• She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I may have accomplished a few noble things. I strive to be a good father. I try to be the best husband possible. But any way that you look at it, I got the better deal by far.

All in good time my child, all in good time.

“What do we want God to do for us?” I had asked. It was June, and we were in-between jobs. This weekend I was driving my family up to the San Francisco Bay area so that I could finish all the moving details. Now we were back on the road, traveling north. With our hunger satisfied from our favorite roadside burger joint, we slowly compiled a list as we drove. (I have underlined the answers to pray as they happened.)

1. I wanted to teach in what is called a “Principle Approach” school.
2. We wanted to be in the church for a while before I signed a teaching contract.
3. We wanted to live close to the school/church.
4. We wanted to live in a house. 
5. We wanted a 12-month contract.
6. We wanted good insurance coverage.
7. We wanted to be able to live on my salary so she could be home with our children.
8. I wanted to take a year off to “forget”.
9. We wanted a pastor that loved us.
10. I wanted to teach and also do church music. 

With a desperate prayer, and what faith we could muster, we set out in a new direction. We finally settled in at my in-laws until we could find a place to live. First, I needed some new shoes. The administrator at the last school had given me a going away party and a gift certificate for J. C. Penney’s. It was a hot June afternoon as we drove back from the mall. My wife was pregnant with our 3^rd daughter. We decided to get something to eat, but because of the heat my wife ask for us to stop somewhere nicer than a fast food joint so we could relax and enjoy our meal. Right over the freeway was a Denny’s. The hostess informed us that there was a 20-minute wait for a “non-smoking” table. It was cool and comfortable. That’s all that mattered. About 5 minutes later she returned with an odd but welcome proposition. If we were willing to share a booth with a “nice little old lady” (her words) we could get a table now. We enjoyed a nice lunch and good conversation. When she heard I was a Christian School teacher, she began telling us about the church she had just started attending. We said goodbye, and she left. I thought it was somewhat odd that she could not remember the name of the church, but I marked it up to a “senior memory”. After a few minutes she returned to our table. She had found a bulletin in her car. Not much was said about it, although I though the pastor’s face was vaguely familiar. The next Sunday, my wife suggested that we visit the church. It happened to be in the same general area where we were house hunting. 

When I called to get directions, I found that it was the pastor who answered the phone. During our conversation I learned that I had met him at my college when he was a pastor in Wyoming. Although I had really liked the school and its programs, there was no way either of us wanted to go to Wyoming. 

When we arrived at the church we were met by the assistant pastor. We introduced ourselves and after some small talk, he asked me what I did. I said I was currently working for a computer data center in the area, but was a science teacher by choice. “Don’t leave here until we talk to you”, he said with a smile. 

We were escorted to the adult Sunday school class lead by, of all people, the headmaster of the school. “Don’t ask him what his job is right now, ask him what he used to do”, quipped the assistant pastor on his way out. That started the wheels in motion. After the service I was asked to chat with the pastor and the headmaster.

 I was very impressed with their program. It was a Principle Approach School. They paid 20% more for each class over five. After finding out my background basics, the headmaster was disappointed. “I have a problem. I have all the teachers I need for the coming year, but I would really need you for the following school year. You’re going to go get a job somewhere else, and we won’t be able to hire you”, he said. I assured him I was not looking for a position this school year. He then told me that they would be beginning the 12 month contracts the following year. They provided full insurance. Children of faculty went tuition free. 

I signed a contract in early January. Shortly after, my wife’s aunt was murdered. The pastor gave my wife the money for a flight to West Virginia for the funeral. This was only one of the many times that he showed his love for our family.  After one year of teaching, the assistant pastor left. The pastor asked if we would like to move into the church-owned house across the street.  The next year, the music director left so they could take care of his in-laws. I was asked to lead the church services and the choir with pay! Everything we had asked for (and more) had been provided!